My Nice Relaxing Lunch

This was my lunch experience today, hope you're having a better day than I am!

I asked Saylor if she wanted a sandwich or noodles for lunch, she chose noodles. I got both kiddos in their seats at the table and gave them each a fruit cup to eat while I made lunch. They were fluctuating between arguing and laughing, as usual, when Saylor said something that Beckam didn't like. He threw his Thomas the Train dvd case across the table at Saylor. It hit her fruit cup and knocked it into her lap, splashing juice and slimy peaches all over her face. She started screaming like she'd been shot, not dramatic at all. She screams "Beckam is just AWFUL!". I grabbed his shoulders to tell him he can't do that and he goes completely limp in my hands and makes this ridiculous face to try and make me laugh. Not happening today! Eventually I got him to say "Sawee Say", and Saylor apologized too.

I went back to making lunch and Saylor says "Mom! Beckam is standing on the edge of the table!" I ran to his rescue just as he started to jump off, only 1 more minute left on the noodles...hurry hurry hurry. I finally got my sandwich made and their ramen noodles cut as small as possible, no easy feat (what is the point of making the noodles a foot and a half long??). I set their lunches in front of them and Saylor turns up her nose. "I want my noodles in a white bowl with a blue line on it". I explained that those bowls are all in the dishwasher so she'll have to deal with the bowl I gave her. Out comes her stubborn side...she refuses to eat them from that bowl. Beckam decides if Saylor isn't eating then neither is he, so he grabs a handful of the 1/4" long noodles and throws it on the ground. It's impossible to pick that out of the carpet. I yank them both out of their chairs and sit them on the couch. Deep breaths. Deep, cleansing breaths. They both start copying me. I threatened to take away the new Barbie movie we rented which quickly brought back Saylor's tears. "I just want a sandwich now, cut in triangles" she says through her sobs. I can compromise so I strike a deal with her: she takes 5 bites of noodles and I'll make her PB&J. My little negotiator counter-offers with 2 bites, I came back with 4 and we settled on 3, "3, that's our deal" she says. I took them both back to the table and fed Saylor "3" bites, it was more like 7 but she was distracted by Beckam shoving noodles into his mouth with his hands, chin dripping and all. He started laughing at all the tiny noodles stuck to his fingers and as I turned to spoon another bite into Saylor's mouth, he wiped his hands...on my hair and down my shoulder. Sigh.

I got up to make the sandwich for Her Highness and to get something to clean Beckam up with. Beckam asked for a drink, repeatedly "mo jink, mo jink, mo jink, mo jink", so I got him a glass of water and finished making the sandwich. By the time I got back to the table, Beckam had his little hands, orange from the Doritos that were part of MY lunch...thank you very much, shoved deep into the glass. He was totally soaked with orange tinted water. I grabbed his hand to stop him and he threw a fit and tried to bite my hand. I pulled away and he ended up biting himself (haha). He cried, I wanted to cry (while I was making the PB&J he had eaten all the cheese, my favorite part, off my sandwich). The table was a disaster, Beckam's outfit was too, and Saylor wasted her half of the ramen, which is only like 6 cents, but it's the principle of the thing. So no one really ate lunch and I had a huge mess to clean up anyway.

So now I realize why I'm wound so tightly and why I love my kids most when they're in bed asleep. Is that terrible??